I am pretty sure I am gay, I just don't want to believe it...?

I am no one special just a 17 year old male who plans on attending art school. I love many things ranging from video games, anime(dragonball z specifically) photography and animals. I have always been a kind person. Every person has their bad moments, im human I am not perfect I have flipped out before and gotten angry..But i am merciful and wouldn't harm anyone. When I was kid growing up I had an issue of being lied to by some people(not my parents). I was always told at the age of 9 to avoid gay people. I was told that they live a dirty, unhealthy and sinful life style(hell im not even religious) moving onto the point before I was told such a thing I had a natural fear of gay people from within. It was just there no explanation and i still have it right now. at age 11 it was the time when i instinctively became curious about male attraction and despite my fear I often didn't think about it because i was a naive child. now over the years I have had two girlfriends who I actually found sexy and appealing. This is also during the time I had a boy crush, he was a junior at the time when I was a freshmen, this time I became nervous, afraid, doubtful and couldn't believe I began to have these feelings. When I have gay urges I feel like I am being controlled by another being. I don't welcome it because of my natural fear that i might be gay or bi. Recently I have had dreams where gay people are saying"how dare you brandon. do you know how lucky you are to live in your pool of luxury. You could have been a somolion, you could have been a solider who had his limb hacked off and sold at a meat cart." It got to me, I feel guilty due to my kind nature and feel hypocritical because i truly am not accepting of gays and think i may have been one all along. I just don't know if i could live with it. I wanted to marry a woman and have children but that seems impossible now.